bachelor / Reality TV

Bachelor Episode 5 Recap: Milkin’ it in Montana

This week we are lucky enough to be able to tune in not only Monday, but Tuesday too. Oh yeaaaa! Double the drama, double the romance, double Sean, and double blog posts. I think it’s a win win for everyone.

The episode started not with Sean shirtless (EPIC fail) but with Chris Harrison telling the women they will be embarking on a worldwide trip..Paris? Switzerland? Nope! The women packed their bags for Whitefish, Montana.

One-on-One date: Lindsay

Lindsay got the first one-on-one date. She should consider herself lucky after showing up in a wedding gown the first night and getting so drunk she barely could talk to Sean. Oh right, is that why she was crying as soon as Selma read her name on the date card? Save the tears, sister! This is your FIRST date, not your fourth. Sean and Lindsay get picked up by a helicopter — naturally. At least it’s a “badass” helicopter (according to Sean). The two take in the breathtaking views of the Glacier National Park and each other. Do Lindsay and Sean actually have chemistry or was there just nothing to do in Montana? I’m going with there’s nothing to do in Montana. Later that evening they delve a little deeper into their past and Lindsay’s upbringing. Lindsay describes her army brat experience for the 5th time this season (or 6th or 7th time). She describes her adolescence as very difficult considering her father was a general and relocating has made her want to..wait, here come the magic words.. “settle down”! The music to Sean’s ears, also known as when a girl says they are ready to settle down, get married, and start a family, makes him light up. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”, he says. They make out some more, he offers her the rose, she eagerly accepts, and they continue to kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. Two weeks ago Sean and Lesley set the record for the longest on screen kiss. This week Sean and Lindsay set the record for most boring date. Congrats you two!


Meanwhile, back at the lodge, ten women breathlessly wait for the group date card to see who will be doomed for the dreaded two-on-one date. Remember, one stays, one goes. The group date card was read and it was evident that Jackie and dun, dunn, dunnn, Tierra got the two-on-one. Surprisingly, Tierra was all smiles about it, claiming “I’m like so excited just because I’ve been on all these group dates. I mean it’s not a negative thing. I’ll just go with my gut and it’s usually always right.” AshLee describes Tierra’s happiness as “happy as a little bumblebee filled with honey.” I would be a little more sober”, she adds. Jackie should have surrendered right then and there.

Group date


Sean invited Lesley, Robyn, Sarah, Des, AshLee, Daniella, Catherine, and Selma on the group date, or should we say challenge? Yes, if Chris Harrison is there, it’s a challenge. The eight women would be split up into two teams of four. The wilderness race consisted of a canoe race, buck hay, saw through a 12-inch log, and milk a goat. And oh ya, last but not least, drink the goats milk. Sounds easy enough, right? Not if you’ve never been in a canoe or used a saw.

The red team (Robyn, Selma, Desiree, and Sarah) get off to an ugly start. Selma and Robyn needed a GPS to steer the canoe. They ended up in every bush possible before finally finding their way.  I think it’s safe to say that Robyn and Selma were never in a canoe. The blue team (AshLee, Daniella, Catherine, and Lesley) were in the lead as they docked their canoe and started to buck the hay. Not for long though! The hay fell apart and they had to improvise. That gave the red team a chance to come back, which they fully took advantage of. Although no one got injured, both teams fought hard to win. It was Des’ willingness to chug that warm goat’s milk to earn the red team the win and more time with Sean. The blue team took the loss in stride, except Lesley who admitted “Weak people piss me off, losing pisses me off, and not spending more time with Sean pisses me off” in her confessional.


After spending a few minutes with the winning team, Sean, the rebel that he is, decided to break the rules just one more time (or not) and invite the blue team to come back. Hmm, did Sean feel bad or did he just want to see a certain people from the losing team? Considering he can’t kiss Selma, he didn’t want to kiss the girl who drank the goats milk (Des), and he seems to have lost interest in Sarah and Robyn, yes — he wanted the blue team back for reasons we won’t get into now. Chris Harrison couldn’t just call the blue team, he had to make it as dramatic as possible. He walked in and handed them a date card. Tierra wasn’t about to let these four girls have more alone time with him while she was back at the lodge and going on a 2-on-1 date the next day. Her right eyebrow was definitely UP to something (no pun intended). “I’m pissed that the losers get to spend time with him and I get stuck on a 2-on-1. It’s not fair for me. He knows that I’ve been patiently waiting for a one-on-one,” she whine. While the blue team was screaming and jumping for joy, the red team, who was just told that the blue team would be joining them at the party, was pissed. “This is a crock of b******t,” says Selma. “Not everything is roses in my world. I can tell you that right now. When Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry.” The blue team arrived all giddy and immediately took full advantage of this ‘extra’ time with Sean.

The BachelorAt least the night is Tierra-ble Tierra-free, right? Wrong. The sneaky manipulator that she is pulled the wool over Sean’s eyes once again when she snuck up on him during an interview. As the producer asked “Are you anticipating any other surprises tonight?” BOOM! SURPRISE! Tierra pinned the guilt on Sean claiming that she already told him she doesn’t like to be misled and she is a sensitive person. She leaves him with “I know one of us stays and one of us goes tomorrow but I hope you’ll make the right decision”. They share a couple kisses and Tierra goes skipping back to the lodge where Jackie knows nothing.

Back at the group date, Sean steals Des away. They sit down and briefly talk about how pissed Des is considering how hard she worked to earn this time for her and her group and then he goes and invites the “losers” back. Just when Sean begins to reassure her, AshLee comes around the corner and steals Sean away. That’s when Des wanted to throw up that goats milk all over Sean..and AshLee. Sean just didn’t want to kiss a chick who just chugged goats milk..even if it was for him. Him and AshLee spend some quality time with each other while she gushes over him and this whole experience, describing it as a fairy tale. He and Catherine then get a chance for some one-on-one time. Catherine takes charge and steals Sean far away from the other women so she has no interruptions. Sean describes his time with Catherine as “exciting” and her as someone who he just wants to “snuggle with”. We are really seeing the connection between these two lovebirds emerge. Daniella attempted to interrupt them, but as soon as she saw Catherine on his lap she went inside and had a meltdown. Sean came in and grabbed Daniella, where she cried in his arms and then pulled what we all thought was a “Dougie”. Luckily for Daniella, who took control and planted one on him, it was a move Sean wanted and not one that turned him off because she got the rose.

Two-on-one date: Jackie & Tierra

Ahh! The dreaded two-on-one! Poor Jackie, she was doomed before the date even began and she didn’t even know it. I mean she didn’t know that she was on a date with Tierra and her “husband” — make that her imaginary husband. Sean decides horseback riding might be the ticket to cut the tension of this ridiculously awful setup, but while Tierra and her “husband” are riding side by side with Jackie lagging behind, things get awkward. When Jackie catches up and has some alone time with Sean she decides to let him in on the secrets of Tierra, in a sweet, ‘not want to see him get hurt’ kind of way. Has Jackie really not seen previous seasons? She broke the cardinal rule not to tattle on the other girls. Needless to say, her time was up before the date started and her time is up now. The three sat down to dinner. Food was on Tierra’s mind (as always), while the rose was on Sean’s. During their alone time they talked and Tierra claimed she was scared and nervous. She told him some sob story about an ex boyfriend of hers in rehab and why she is acting the way she is aka CRAZY. “I get scared because I have the biggest heart,” Tierra begins, knowing that she’ll need to do damage control to counteract Jackie’s accusations. “I want to love and I just want to be loved back.” Sympathy story? Probably. He offered the rose to Tierra. Big mistake. Big. Huge. Poor Jackie! I wonder if she got a doggie bag of Tierra’s leftover fish.


Well, we all knew what would happen, especially since we’ve been seeing previews for weeks of Tierra’s next escapade in Canada (tonight’s episode). What haven’t we learned about her? She’s a GREAT manipulator, likes to play the victim, get the sympathy card, and she has a split personality disorder. Her antics can’t get much worse before Sean sees the REAL Tierra that we have seen all along, right? We’ll just have to wait and see! After, Tierra and Sean cuddle up and watch a fireworks display.

Cocktail Party

The setting of the cocktail party with animals on the walls mimicked the tension between the women and how discouraged Sean was feeling this week. Freaky! The night starts off with Sean talking to Des. Their conversation didn’t go well when Des gave him a hard time about being unpredictable in other words keeping Tierra over Jackie and not seeing what the girls see in her. Sean was frustrated and had doubts but hey, Des followed the rule and didn’t COMPLETELY come out and bash Tierra. Good job, Des! You’ve learned well! “Another rose ceremony? Please. There are five girls I want gone. I seriously want to punch everyone in that room”, Tierra says. Oh, wait, there are ten girls left and you want five gone Tierra? Not only do you need speech lessons, you need math lessons too. Robyn decides she’s done dealing with Tierra’s b******t claiming, “I am so sick of her, I will make this the bad girls club”. You do it, Robyn! You go girl! Sean walks in and sees Tierra blowing up at the other women. Sean, being the sweet guy that he is wants to see whats going on and make sure that Tierra is okay, so once again, Tierra got her one-on-one time with her “husband”. While she was blaming the other women for attacking her and claiming she is not into drama, Sean looked genuinely confused. “It’s just FUstrating for me because I am such a nice girl and no one gives me credit here”, Tierra said. Did she say sweet? Sean and Lesley sit down to talk and their conversation starts off about Tierra and her drama. I’m afraid Sean just moved Lesley from girlfriend to friend zone. Noo! Love him and Lesley!

Sean eliminates Robyn. No surprises there! Well, good for Tierra — Robyn never had an issue with confronting her so that’s one down, nine to go. Yes, Tierra, nine, not five.

That’s a wrap Bachelor Nation! At least we don’t have to wait a week to dish again! There were no Shirtless Sean scenes (MAJOR bummer) — the counter remains stagnant at ten..yes, only ten. Hopefully that will change tonight on the second episode of the two night Bachelor event at 9/8c on ABC! Don’t forget to live tweet with me @alexis_jordana! Watch for my episode 6 recap tomorrow night!

Until tonight.. Xoxo


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