Two weeks of the Bachelorette have come and gone already. Producers and Chris Harrison promised a good show, and they did not disappoint.
One-on-One Date: Brooks
Brooks got the one-on-one date. He seems like a decent, no drama kind of guy, except his hair. Is it greasy or wet? I’m not a fan of Brooks, more specifically, his feminine side. Desiree picked him up in her turquoise, Malibu barbie Bentley. When the guys said “nice ride” they really meant “sucks it’s not a helicopter”. Brooks seems like a chill guy that he would be cool with any type of ride, even a moped.
Since Desiree is a wedding dress designer, they pull up to this bridal boutique where they both try on some wedding attire (yes, he tried on a green tuxedo). They go on to have a small picnic and time to talk sitting on the Hollywood sign, during sunset. Can you say best date ever? Oh, sorry Kasey, #bestdateever.
It wasn’t over just yet. Later they’re driving through what Brooks refers to as a “shady area,” defined by “graffiti” etc. and he looks like he either needs his mommy or a knight in shining armor (come back Diogo!). All the while, Des knew where she was going. She was going to make the date bigger and better — wait, to dates get bigger? They pull up to a bridge, lit up purple, with a chandelier and a table in the middle for dinner. Who knew bridges in LA could look so good? Brooks went on to tell Des about his troubled family life and his humble upbringing. Needless to say, while Des oo’ed and aww’ed over his story, he got a rose in the end. They hear music in the background and realize, hey! It’s Andy Grammar. They proceed to the other side of the bridge to dance and sing, where yet, another romance is born.
Group Date: Dan, Juan Pablo, Zack K., Drew, Will, Brian, James, Mikey, Zak W., Nick, Michael, Brandon, and Ben.
For anyone who has watched the Bachelor/ette consecutively, you know that there are always a few in the bunch that are there for the wrong reasons, instead of the right ones. How fitting. The guys show up at a winery, specifically a large mansion. Wondering what they’re doing there, Des comes out in a tight, purple dress, to tell them they will be starring in a rap video with Soulja Boy. The guys (99% white) get their gangsta rap faces on (or at least try to). A few of them attempt to rap for Des and Soulja Boy, for him to decide who will get the main parts and who will be the backup dancers. As the men are starting to look over and rehearse their lines, they look confused. Kasey then reminds them, they are lines from previous bachelors. Touche. Brandon is playing Kasey Kahl — the one who was on Ali’s season and constantly reminded her that he would guard and protect his heart (he also starred on Bachelor Pad and dated Vienna Girardi for some time). Someone remind me — Why was Brandon half naked? Did Kasey Kahl walk around with a speedo on too? Forgive me — After 25 seasons, my mind gets a little Bachelor/ette foggy. Michael G. had a t-shirt on that said #1 dad and Mikey T. had on a shirt that said I <3 my dad. If y’all can’t guess who they’re representing you’re not really a Bachelor fan.
At the after party, the guys really brought it. Zak W. pulled Des aside for some alone time where he pulled out an antique journal that had never been written in. Who knew there was a soft side inside those abs of steel. Des was taken aback, considering how Zak showed up the first night. Just think — He’s the Lindsay of the season. Wedding dress to no shirt..Sounds similar, right? I really am beginning to like Zak for different reasons, but specifically for tapping into his emotional, thoughtful side (and he’s super cute with an amazing smile). He’s definitely a frontrunner.
Ben claims he is very old fashioned, who goes after the girl so he barges in on Mikey T’s time with Des. Ben talks about none other, than himself and his son. Does he ask about anyone but himself? Ben went in for the kill and kissed Des. He reminds me of a cross between Bentley (Ashley’s season) and Tierra (Sean’s season). He is in it to win it and to make drama. Does he even really like Des? Doubtful.
Michael G. is another one of my favorites. He seems like such a genuine, sweet, family guy who just happens to be easy on the eyes.
Mikey T. approached Ben after he swooped in on him and Des during their alone time. Calling him a politician, in other words a bull*******. Ben basically did BS him and said he would never trash talk the other guys (ya right) and that he isn’t who the other guys think he is. Ben went on to BS him some more and compliment him on his shoes and fashion. Good one, Ben — changing the subject to fashion..a pro.
Brandon grabbed Des for some alone time to again, talk about his rocky past. Similar to Brooks’ story, he doesn’t have a relationship with his father and his mother is a drug addict. Sounds like Des’ brother has some competition for the worst family situation.
Ben got the rose. With all the guys shaking their heads, Ben smirks, and says “I’m going to sleep with one eye open tonight”. Good idea, bro, good idea.
One-on-One Date: Bryden
Bryden, the army guy, got the second one-on-one date. Desiree picks him up and they take a road trip up north, stopping at a beach, eating a seafood lunch, picking oranges, and then end up at the Ojai Valley Inn & Spa. It’s safe to say that Des is getting to know more about Bryden, or actually more about what Bryden doesn’t know. He’s never been to CA and he’s never heard of brie. Yes, Bryden is a hick..or as some of you might say, a greenhorn. Bryden starts talking about his past, including a pretty bad accident he got into, and he just happened, yes, just “happened” to have pictures of the accident on him. Hopefully they already ate dinner before he shared his gruesome accident in photos. Des oo’ed and aww’ed over Bryden’s accident and ended up giving him the pity rose. Congrats, Bryden. Your accident got you a rose, while your barber got you a pitiful haircut. “I want the rose to be something special for Bryden. To know that I appreciate him opening up, and sharing his story, and letting me in.” Bottom line — I’m not a fan of his. Overall, the date seemed as interesting as Bryden — in other words, BORING. After dinner came the most exciting part of the date — the hot tub. Bryden shares his excitement with Des and thanks her for saving this date for him. Too bad his body isn’t half as good as Sean’s. Major eye candy FAIL. After talking in the hot tub and starring into each other’s eyes, “just kiss me already” Des said. I give this date the title of most boring date EVER. Who agrees?
Michael G. opened up to Des about having diabetes, something that has been controlling his life for quite some time. Yes, it might not have been as bad as Bryden’s story, but you know, it still got Desiree’s attention and let her into his life even more. The fact that this buff, handsome, federal prosecutor was opening up to Des was just heartwarming. When Ben showed up and swooped in on MIchael G and Des’ time when he already has a rose, Michael and all the other guys were PISSED. Mikey T. was burned up, considering he had his time cut short by Ben before and had a “talk” with him. Hmm, Ben is already pinning the other men as the “wrong” ones and him as the “right” man. All he said was he loves being around her, he loves watching her smile, but does he ever ask her about her? No. Charmer+bullshitter = charshitter
The guys approached Ben about it, Michael G. specifically taking a stab at him and Ben had absolutely no answer. Ben claims he feels really bad about the situation. He feels as bad about that as I do about my excessive tweets on Bachelorette Monday’s (note the sarcasm). Brian does not impress me at all. First of all, did he accidently use his car wax on his forehead? It’s so shiny you can practically see yourself in it. He seems pretty shady. I guess all those impressions will turn out right when we see his “girlfriend” show up next week to confront him. Yes, I said girlfriend.
Will, Robert, & Nick were eliminated.
Next week on The Bachelorette: Meathead Meltdowns
If you’re not following me on Twitter yet, you might want to @alexis_jordana. Until next week..