Des and the boys were off to Atlantic City this week. While the guys thought they were in for some poker and amusement parks, Desiree had other things in mind. Oh, she did.
One-on-One Date: Brad
Des took Brad to the boardwalk where they ran around, acting like little kids, which is right up Brad’s alley. He got to see how Desiree would interact with his son Maddox, if it got to that. I repeat, IF. The two ended up in a candy making warehouse where they taste tested salt water taffy and chocolates, off a conveyor belt. Desiree liked Brad’s fun nature and willingness to try the chocolate. FYI Des — any normal human being, fun or boring as a piece of wood would eat chocolate off a conveyor belt. The two end the first part of their date at the carousel, where Zak W. says “things always happen on carousels”. I’m sure babies are made there every week. Riiiight
They then went to dinner, where Brad examined and dissected his chicken (or steak, or fish) and seemed more into that than Des. The one word that I can use to describe this dinner is awkward. There was some awko talko, until Des suggested they go to the top of the lighthouse. After walking up five flights of stairs, before Brad could ask for a tank of oxygen, Des told him she cannot offer him a rose. Well, at least Brad didn’t need his breath to kiss Des. Look on the bright side.
Group Date: Drew, Ben, Bryden, Mikey T, Zack K., Zak W., Michael, Chris, Kasey,
The guys are greeted by Miss. America, Mallory Hogan and of course, Chris Harrison. Chris explains to the guys that they will be competing in a Mr. America contest. He then goes on to tell them that they will be competing in front of a live crowd at the Revel Hotel in AC. They immediately feel the pressure to perform…Probably not the first time. Not knowing what to expect, they prepare for their talent routines, their interview questions, and of course, the swimsuit competition. Well, just mentally prepared to walk around in speedos with their banana in a hammock (thanks, Drew!) The three judges were Miss America 2013 Mallory Hagan from New York, the mayor of Atlantic City Lorenzo Langford, and of course, Desiree.
The guys had to answer questions like Is sex important in relationship? If you could be any animal, which one would you want to be? Brooks would be a lion. Describe yourself as fire or ice? Do looks matter? What’s your ideal mate? What could you improve on in your relationship? Mikey T. explains how a girl should see the inside of a guy, before they look on the outside. He then explains how a lot of guys are meatheads but are really nice, sensitive guys on the inside. Mikey T is defending himself one minute, showing his more sensitive side, then the next minute he’s flexing his muscles, proving he’s the typical meathead. Go back to the gym, Mikey.
As for the talent portion, here is what the guys did —
Kasey: Nailed a made up childhood story/tap dance routine.
Drew: Romanticized the heck out of everyone with his Romeo & Juliet scene, including me.
Bryden: Wannabe Sean Lowe, performing lame pelvic thrusts in front of the Mayor of AC.
Chris: Women’s heels and a hula hoop…’nough said.
Mike G.: Entertained the crowd with “Fight for Your Right To Party” by the Beastie Boys.
Brooks: Sang a song that I, nor anyone else wants to hear ever again…and then smashed a ukulele on the ground. There’s talent.
Mikey: Proved he is in fact, a meathead
Ben: Gymnastic routine gone wrong
Zack W.: Played the guitar and sang…boring.
Zack K.: He roller skated on stage.
Juan Pablo: Played the mini drums and asked for a mama to his daughter we didn’t know he had.
What kind of talent is pelvic thrusting if you are not Sean Lowe? It’s nothing. Nice try, Bryden but all you did was embarrass the mayor.
The swimsuit competition was my (and every girl’s) favorite part. Drew brought his runway, model walk and owned it, while some of the other guys made complete fools out of themselves.
Kasey put the most effort in the talent competition. Needless to say, he wins the Mr. America competition, with the first runner-up being Zak K, and the second runner-up being Brooks. Don’t ask me how Brooks was in the top 3 when his singing sounded like chalk on a blackboard.
If you hadn’t had enough of speedos and abs or hunks in trunks, don’t fear — there was more to come! Des invited all the guys to an indoor pool party.
At the pool party, Chris brought out his more serious side (without the heels and hula hoops) and showed Des his passion for poetry, Ben talked more about himself and his humble beginnings, but has yet to ask Des about hers, and Zak finished the talent portion of the Mr. America competition, serenading her. Zak got the rose. How else would one woman and 10 men end a pool party? In a pool.
One-on-One Date: James
James is all ready for a glamorous AC date, when Des and him jump into a helicopter to take a tour over the Jersey Shore to see the devastation from Hurricane Sandy. James tries his best to get in touch with his emotional side. Yes, the hulk does have an emotional side. While he and Des are touring the area, they’re holding hands and sweat (not tears) is filling up his eyes.
They then decide to meet a couple in Seaside Heights, Manny and Jan, who’s home was wrecked in the hurricane. After sharing their touching story with Des and James, they invite them inside their home to see more damage. After hearing what they both went through, as well as going to a shelter on their anniversary, Des and James give up their date to Jan and Manny. Manny and Jan take Des and James’ limo to enjoy a romantic dinner, where they are surprised with a photo book (not a fantasy suite card) of their wedding and lives together. Back in Bachelorette reality, James and Des are enjoying pizza and wine, making out, talking about the day, their past, and oh ya, how James cheated on his ex girlfriend of 5 1/2 years. Who knew the date could get anymore depressing. James expressed his concern and empathy for his ex, claiming it wasn’t easy on him either. It really hurt him. Yes, James, it hurt YOU to sleep with another woman while your girlfriend was planning your future. Makes total sense.
At the cocktail party, Michael G. played presented the reasons he likes Desiree, in a acrostic poem type of way (D — “down to earth”, E — “easy to talk to”, S — “smile lights up the room”, G — “it would be great if things worked out with us”). Desiree and Chris had a good chat, and she expressed to him how comfortable she is around him, leading him to think he is in the friend zone now. They pinky swear they’re not “just friends” and kissed to seal the deal. Bryden expresses his concerns to the guys, as well as Desiree, that he feels like his feelings are not where they should be, compared to some of the other men at this stage in the process. The guys think he might take himself out of the competition, but Desiree consoles him and assures him he will get more time next week.
Ben, Zak W., Bryden, Drew, Michael G., Mikey T., James, Chris, Juan Pablo, Brooks, & Kasey all got roses.
Eliminated: Zack K & Brad
By the previews, it looks like Germany brings the claws out of the men, and tears out of Des (thanks James). Stay tuned for Armageddon of the Bachelorette.
Until next week…